Memphis, Tennessee

One of the biggest backwater little river towns you’ll ever encounter. Home of the Blues, of Elvis, of the Church of God in Christ, of Jerry Lee Lewis, Jerry Lawler, and Jerry Calhoun.

We’ve got Beale Street, where blues and booze flow with abandon. We’ve got a river that’ll suck you under and take you to your maker. We’ve got more than our share of weird characters, misfits, malcontents, and wacky oddballs to keep us entertained and befuddled.

We’ve got mosquitoes as big as blackbirds, rats as big as dogs, and a reputation that rivals Dallas when it comes to the assassination of beloved and/or hated public figures, depending on your point of view. In other words, folks, this Memphis is some kind of town!

Our barbecue is indisputably the best in the world. Disagreement about the proper means of perfecting its wondrous flavor has led to more than one fist fight and even to a few shoot-outs. We don’t stand for no damn Texans bad-mouthing our BBQ! If you want to throw some ketchup on some scorched beef and call it BBQ, well, that’s fine. Just keep your opinions and your burned cow in Texas where they belong along with your other depraved notions.

Our women are reputed to be the finest looking in the world. And considering that they’re also unquestionably the meanest in the world and mostly damn fine shots, I ain’t gonna argue about that either! I say they deserve the reputation. (Did you hear that, Mama?)

And pursuing these fine southern women of strength and character? Men of equal dignity. Men who work hard, play hard, love their children and their community. They toil in the harsh, humid, oppressive heat of this river town and strive to provide for their families and to make a better life. They work, they wear down, and they eventually return to a hole in the ground. But they do it here in this river town. There’s nothing that quite compares.

These are some of the things Memphis offers: good food, good music, beautiful, dignified women and their adoring men, and a grand old river that rolls gracefully on. The smell of river mud, catfish, BBQ, and the siren wail of the blues harkening us back to an earlier day. These are the things that I miss about Memphis.